Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
