Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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