dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
