I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
