If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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