it wasn't lemon gatorade
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
