ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
