Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
