I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
