She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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