I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize