As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
