Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
