In the future we'll all be gay
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
So much rum. So many feels.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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