i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
