Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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