Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
