And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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