The maid of honor just puked.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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