so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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