I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
