Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize