well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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