hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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