it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
