I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
