I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
