How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
