never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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