Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
