Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
