your thong is hanging out like whoa
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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