All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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