He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
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