"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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