how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
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I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
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Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
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