He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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