I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
