I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Gay?
German.
Pity.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
