That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
