Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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