im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I think a kid would responsible me up
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
