Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
