its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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