Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
