honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
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I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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