I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
