He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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