dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
