So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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