i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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