I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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