Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
