I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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