I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
