Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
