Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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