He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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