she told me i tasted like america
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
