im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
