Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
