Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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