New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
