I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
i think my cat just said my name.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
