Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
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Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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