I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
