he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
