i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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