i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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