im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
