we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
